


The Pratt "Family" Holiday

by youngwhiterabbit



Category: Bottom (UK), The Young Ones (TV 1982)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Based on a Dream, Beach Holidays, Canon Era, Dysfunctional Family, Family Bonding, Gen, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Swimming Pools, Weird Plot Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:00:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27607322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngwhiterabbit/pseuds/youngwhiterabbit
Summary: Rick brings along a friend to his annual family holiday and things are just plain weird.
Relationships: Edward "Eddie" Elizabeth Hitler/Richard "Richie" Richard, Mike (Young Ones)/Vyvyan Basterd, Neil Wheedon Watkins Pye/Rick (Young Ones)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	The Pratt "Family" Holiday

**Author's Note:**

> This little fic is based off a dream I had last week, I just replaced all the people in it with my fictional gang. It's not meant to directly match any specific headcanons, it's just a weird dream that went wrong.

Hi, lovely," Rick greeted into the phone with a cheeky grin plastered on his dumb little face. "Would you like to come with me to Kent for the week?"

"Kent," the other voice answered thoughtfully. A gal, ooh. "Sure."

Rick's face dropped from unexpectedness. "You haven't anything going on?"

"No. I'll be over in five." 

"Gweat!" Rick laughed and wiggled. "Oh, th--!" Click. Rick held the landline in front of him. "Alwight then." He put it back on the wall. "Well..." He let out a quite dramatic sigh, shrugging, letting his hands slap his thighs. "Neil and I are off for the week." 

Vyvyan waved a hand at him from the sofa. He was curled up in a ball on Mike's lap, playing with the cool person's fingers. 

"Would you like any souvenirs, Michael? Vyvyan?"

"Yeah, yeah." Mike waved his free hand at him. "Remembering that you left us alone for the week would be the best souvenir you could give us." 

"Alwight." Rick let out another drawn-out sigh, shrugged, and let his hands slap his thighs. 

Vyvyan shot up on the sofa and glared at the greasy poet. "LEAVE!" Just as he shouted that, the doorbell rang out. Vyvyan grinned and gave another little wave at him. 

Rick grumbled and stormed over to the door, opening it. In came Sue, a suitcase covered with rebellious stickers in hand. "I'm ready to go!" 

Rick blinked, dumbfounded. "It hasn't even been a minute, how did you get here so fast?"

She put her free hand up towards him. "Listen, mate, don't ask questions. I'm coming with, aren't I?"

Rick shut the door, then took her suitcase for her like the gentleman he was. What? He is a gentleman. He's not as horrible as you make him out to be, Vyvyan stans. "Have you bwought," he hushed himself before continuing, " _the stuff_?" 

Sue pulled a face and pushed Rick's head away from her. "Of course I've brought the stuff. Your boyfriend's my guy." 

Rick looked somewhat relieved. "Oh, good. Let me have a quick one before we go."

Sue chuckled. "You're a wild one." She began to reach around for the little go-bag on her back. 

"What? No, no!" Rick stopped her. "I meant a _fag_."

"Oh, well why didn't you just say so." She readjusted the bag, and then took a pack out of her pocket. 

"Thanks, lovely!" Rick grinned at her, then took a cigarette for himself. He already had a lighter. Of course he did. And just as he lit it, the long-haired hippie came down the stairs with two separate suitcases. 

"Neil, my love!" He held the cigarette between his fingers, then gave Neil a sweet smooch on the cheek. "Did I wemember to pack my dwess?" 

The hippie answered, "No, I put it in there for you." 

"Oh, thank you."

"Alright, lovebirds," Sue dragged, "let's get out of here." She held the door open for the other two.

Before Neil stepped out, he stopped and looked at the two on the sofa. "Uh, like, don't burn the house down while we're gone or anything. There are enough frozen meals for two weeks, so, like, make them last." 

"Yeah, Neil," Mike mumbled.

"Yeah, Neil," Vyvyan echoed. "Bye, Neil." 

* * *

Neil was settled down in the back seat, the three suitcases piled up beside him. Sue had claimed shotgun, and Rick was driving. Yes, he was. He may be a Pratt, but he leads a normal life. Vyvyan isn't the only driver in the household, thank you. 

"I brought my boom box," Sue said, "so we can listen to music on the beach."

"How'd you fit it in your suitcase?" Rick asked. More questions she just wouldn't answer, and she made that clear. 

"Mind if I light up?"

"Cops might," Rick answered. He immediately added, "pigs," with a snort. 

"Fascists," she replied, already digging into her stash bag. She stuck a half-smoked joint in her mouth, then lit it with a white lighter. She took in a long drag, then held it in as she passed the joint back to Neil. She could feel some anxiety from the driver, so she smiled and blew the smoke out. "Don't worry, we won't hot box." She rolled down her window, prompting Neil to do the same. "Look, if it worries you, I'll put it out."

"It doesn't worry me." Rick shook his head frantically. "Finish it off, I'll woll another later." 

"Alright." Sue nodded, settling back in her seat after the joint was passed back to her. 

"Give me another cigawette," Rick insisted. Sue pulled one from her pack, put it in his mouth and lit it for him. 

"There," she mumbled, "chase that high." 

* * *

It wasn't much more than an hour and a half before they were in Kent, or really, the edge of Kent. Rick's family was already set up with a beach-side condo and had been there all day. Rick pulled his car in just beside his mother's. God, here we go, he thought. 

The three brought their belongings into their designated condo. They decided to leave their things in the family room. They would move it once Julia told them where they'd be sleeping. She'd have fun learning her son brought along an additional friend without telling her. 

Neil noticed a note hanging on the fridge. He went over to it and read it aloud. " _Rick, we're at the community pool, join us_."

Rick huffed and made a frustrated face. "Alwight, let's get weady."

The three got changed. Sue claimed the restroom while the other two changed in the family room. Once ready, Sue grabbed her little bag, and they all followed Rick's lead down the street. 

They arrived at a fenced-in pool. "Mum," Rick called, waving her over to the entrance. 

There she was, bloody Julia Pratt. She came around and unlocked the gate entrance for him. "Hello, love," she greeted with a bitter smile no one enjoyed. "I see you brought a friend."

"Sue, you know her," Rick replied plainly as the three of them went through the entrance. 

"Sue. That's right. Don't worry about it, Richard, I've brought a friend too." She began to walk away. 

Rick was hardly ever careless or sarcastic these days, but with his mother, he just couldn't help himself. "Oh. That's nice." The young three followed begrudgingly along, their week already off to a rocky start. 

"What's worse, pigs or a posh cow?" Sue's quip led to Rick quickly elbowing her. Her sense of freedom always got Rick into trouble. 

His uncle stood up from his spot and put his arms out towards him. "Oh, Ricky-Dicky darling!" Unlike the other men there, he had a t-shirt paired with his trunks. 

"Hi, Uncle Wichie," Rick reciprocated, giving him a big old hug. "Did Uncle Eddie make it this year?" 

"Yes," Richie replied, though not without an exasperated sigh. "He's at the swim-up bar." 

"Of course he is," Rick nodded, settling down with his friends by the big table. "Have you gone swimming yet, Uncle Wichie?" 

"Only for a bit when we first got here. Eddie's been at the bar this entire time. Ridiculous."

Sue took the initiative of inviting Richie. "Come swim with us!"

It took a bit of convincing from Rick, but Richie eventually agreed. Richie went with Neil and Sue to the pool, diving in. Rick was held behind by Julia's mysterious friend. "Hey, just remember, don't make the trip all about you, huh? I'm here too." Rick rolled his eyes, then pulled away from her. He joined everybody else in the pool. They found a beach ball that had been sitting alone for a while and decided to play with it. The game didn't last long before Rick and Richie tapped out.

Rick joined Richie at the bar, claiming spots on either side of Eddie. "Now, don't you think you've had enough?" Richie asked. 

Eddie replied, "Not to deal with your sister I haven't." He then shook his head. "Nah. I've only had a few pints of lager. I was on the phone with Adrian." 

"Oh," Richie stopped himself from further prodding, "well that's quite nice, actually. How's he doing?"

"Not well," Eddie answered honestly. "Though, that should come as no surprise. He's gotten worse with speaking since we last talked, I'm worried something happened." Richie listened. Yeah, he's not that much of a bastard either, he tries not to be like his Tory sister. "Look, Richie. I'll have another pint, give Vyvyan a call, then I'll rejoin you guys." 

Richie gave a simple nod, then swam back closer to their table. Sue and Neil were no longer around. Rick didn't think too much of it, he just hung out with his Uncle. They both were sitting along the ledge, letting only their feet in the water now. They talked a bit about Adrian. Rick rarely ever saw him, he was just so busy with school - really, he was. That, and Richard was such a horrible person. Nobody liked him, except Adrian and himself. Vyvyan's mother didn't even like him. She probably liked him more than anyone else in the family, but she certainly didn't like him. 

This was really the calmest Richie had been in a long time, especially after being cramped in a car with Julia and that godawful friend of hers. She never even introduced herself, she was just there. Everything was going well enough until Rick caught the attention of someone he did not care to see.

"Oh god, Matthew...!" Rick whispered, starting to panic. He frantically looked around for Neil, and he found that both he and Sue were back at the table. He didn't bother to continue his conversation with Richie, nor did he give Richie any warning - saying "Matthew" should be enough. He got up, fast as lightning, and ran over to the table. "Guys, Matthew is here, please can we go to the beach instead?" Richie had trailed behind. 

"Well, why are you so shocked, Richard?" His mother questioned. "His family goes on holiday here at the same time as us every year. Just because you guys broke up doesn't mean either of us halt our vacations for your comfort." 

This stressed Rick out to no end. He brought his arms up and down a few times, starting to pace, his heart pounding nearly out of his chest. "Guys, _please_..!" He begged. 

"Yeah, we can go to the beach," Sue replied mellowly. She didn't make any moves to get going though. Neither did Neil. In fact, Neil hadn't said a word since they arrived. 

"Come on!" Rick prodded, waving his hands at them. They still didn't make any moves. They both simply stared at him, watching him make all these wild movements. "Oh forget it, I'll go by myself!" He eventually settled, starting to head out. 

"No, wait," Sue called, holding the same energy as before. "We'll be ready in a minute." 

Rick huffed, then turned back around and watched them watch him all over again. The only one making a scene was him. " _Guys_!" He got louder. He'd already drawn the attention of Matthew, but now he was only making it worse for himself. "GOD, FORGET IT!" He resolved, again. 

"Now, wait," Richie stopped him. He had a map in his hand. "Which beach are you talking about?"

Rick's eyes widened. "What do you mean, _which beach_?!"

Richie put his hands on his hips and stared at him. "Now you know exactly what I mean by _which beach_ , young man!" He held the map up once again. "Look here, look." He showed Rick the map, pointing out a row of condos just by the public pool. "You see that?"

"Yes." 

"That's not our condo."

Steam must have been coming from Rick's ears. "What do you mean _that's not our condo_?! That's our condo!"

"No, no." Richie shook his head. "The beach should be to the left, but it's to the right, you see?" 

Rick shut his eyes real tight, let out a very long breath, then looked at Richie. "Look," he said as calmly as possible. He readjusted the map in Richie's hands, turning it upside down, really right side up. "Better?"

"I see." Richie nodded his head slowly, then pulled the map real close to his face. He analyzed it for a bit, then pulled it back away. "Where's the beach?"

Rick let out the loudest breath yet. "If I could diwect your attention just three inches to the left you would see that the beach is _EVEWYWHERE_!" 

Richie took a look, seeing the beach past the fence. "Ah, yes. No, that's not the right beach."

Rick grunted and put his hands over his face. He turned back to his friends and glared at them. They were still just sitting there staring at him. "What's wrong with you guys?!"

"We had a competition to see who could hold smoke in their lungs the longest," Sue explained. "We tied a few times."


End file.
